[INTERNAL MEMO]
Team,
I want to start with a story that stuck with me last week:
A monk and his student were walking through a village when a woman suddenly shouted at them, hurling insults for no reason.
The student, furious and embarrassed, turned around and shouted back. The argument escalated, leaving both of them tense and upset.
The monk, however, didn’t react. He simply smiled and continued walking.
Later, when they reached the temple, the student asked, “Master, why didn’t you say anything? She was so disrespectful!”
The monk replied, “If someone gives you a gift and you refuse it, who does the gift belong to?”
The student thought for a moment. “To the one who offered it.”
The monk nodded. “Exactly. Anger is a gift. If you don’t accept it, it stays with the giver. We always have a choice: we can carry someone else’s anger with us, or we can leave it behind.”
The student realized that reacting with anger had only burdened himself, while the monk, by staying calm, remained free.
This story is a reminder for all of us that feelings are real and valid, but how we act on them is a choice.
This phrase perfectly captures this idea: “All feelings are welcome. All behaviors are not.”
Why This Matters
People are human.
They’ll feel frustrated, overwhelmed, excited, or stressed.
That’s normal.
Feelings aren’t bad. In fact, when people feel safe to express how they feel, we solve problems faster.
But feelings do not excuse poor behavior. Snapping at someone, gossiping, shutting down, or avoiding hard conversations - that’s not okay.
As leaders, it’s on us to:
1. Create space for emotions. Start with empathy: “I get why you feel that way.”
2. Guide people toward action. Follow with: “What’s in our control? What’s the next step?”
This way, people feel heard and understand that our standards for behavior remain the same, no matter how we feel.
So HOW do we uphold this standard?
We acknowledge emotions without judgment.
We never use feelings as an excuse for poor behavior.
We address issues with empathy first, action second.
We model the behavior we expect, especially when it’s hard.
So as you interact with your team this week, keep this phrase in your back pocket:
“All feelings are welcome. All behaviors are not.”
Have a great week 🙏🏼
-Leila
