I want to talk about the single most EXPENSIVE thing that leaders cost the business. And no, it is not your headcount plan or budget.

It's the conversation you're avoiding.

Early in my career, I had someone on my team. He was sharp, great in interviews, and everyone liked him. About three months in, it was obvious he wasn't executing at the level we needed.

He had a TON of missed deadlines, and I started to notice other people redoing his work and complaining to me about him...

I told myself he was still ramping up; I didn't want to demotivate him early in the game and that I needed to "be patient".

Five months later, nothing had changed except his teammates resented him, and I resented him too, if I’m being honest. I had taken so much work off his plate, and so had others. 

When I finally sat down and told him the truth, he looked at me and said: "Why didn't you tell me this in month one?”

He was right, and I was an A$$. My silence didn't protect him. It cost him five months of his career he could've spent improving or spent somewhere that was a better fit for him.

Silence isn't kindness. It's cowardice.  Everyone pretends to be empathetic, and your team pays the price.

Here's why we do this to ourselves: 

Your brain processes the risk of hard feedback almost like physical danger. Social rejection lights up the same part of the brain as physical pain, so when you're about to tell someone their work isn't good enough, your brain runs a threat simulation. Your empathy and rational thinking temporarily go offline.

That's not an EXCUSE to succumb to it. It’s the logic.  Once we understand that, we can more easily overcome this. 

Kim Scott (author of Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity) has a name for the version of this that looks like kindness but isn't: Ruinous Empathy - you care about someone personally, so you avoid challenging them directly.

She talks about how it's not the aggressive leaders who do the most damage in most companies. It's the nice ones who stay quiet because they don't want to hurt anyone. And it never actually protects the person. It just delays the moment they find out, usually right when you're letting them go - shitty shit sandwich!!!

The kindest thing you can do as a leader is tell the truth, quickly, clearly, with care but without ambiguity.

Three things that have actually changed how I do this:

1. The 24-hour rule. When you notice something that needs to change, you have 24 hours to say something. Not 24 DAYS. Feedback given fast is effective. Feedback given months later is irrelevant because it's no longer about the moment. It becomes a bigger conversation. 

2. Separate the person from the performance. You can say, "I think you're talented and I want you to succeed here, and this project didn't meet the bar. Here's specifically what needs to change." THAT IS NOT HARSH. That's the most respectful thing you can say to someone, because it tells them you see their potential and you're not willing to let them waste it.

3. Make it a ritual, not a reaction. The best 1:1s I've seen run feedback in both directions, every week as an expectation. When feedback only happens when something's wrong, it feels much worse than it is. When it happens every week, it's just another Tuesday!.

Your team is already watching. They know who isn't performing. They're just waiting to see if YOU are going to say something, and every week you don't, you're telling them something about your standards (DEFINE WHAT GOOD LOOKS LIKE).

This week, have the one conversation you've been sitting on. I AM SURE A NAME POPPED UP FOR YA. Block 30 minutes, write down exactly what you need to say, and say it with clarity.

Let’s crush this week!

— Leila

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